parentinglife

I just watched the episode of House M.d where Dr. Kuttner portrayed by Kal Penn got killed off. I did not like the episode one bit and still question why they had to write off his death like that. Why couldn’t't they make up a story that he got hit by a car, killed due to a virus or something, moving to another hospital but suicide? For me it was just out of context and they did it to soon, way to soon. While watching the show I felt there was something missing, it was the witty sense of humor of Kal Penn. Like House, I was really hoping that Kal Penn did get murdered by someone. I was really with House on that one. As for Dr. House, he is still asking questions and find no answer.

To Kal Penn I will miss your character Dr. Kuttner on House M. D, its not going to be the same without you. You exchange fame and fortune to help serve the people and I salute for that. I will look forward to your return to the limelight and maybe a sequel to Harold and Kumar…

Yesterday I found out that one of my favorite actors in a T.V series is leaving. I was so bummed out last night and still am. I could not help but call my sister and tell her about the terrible news.

As my previous post here, I love watching House M.d  one of my favorite shows that I watch and talk about with my sister. Kal Penn who plays Dr. Kutner one of House’s team is leaving the show. Yes, he is leaving the show to go into public serve and work in the White House. What got me so upset was the way he left the show. He left the show via Suicide…There are so many options for him to leave the show why did they have to go for suicide? I’m so against that.Why oh why did he have to go. I first noticed Kal Penn in Van Wilder and of course the ever famous Harold and Kumar, I love that movie. Its my husband and my favorite. House is not going to be the same without Kutner and I’m so afraid of watching the episode. Why? I may hate Kal Penn for the way he dies there. I’m still venting and ranting I cant get over it!!!!!!

Kal Penn why do you have to leave??!!!!!

Today we went to Angelo’s house for his belated 43rd birthday celebration. It was just MIL, baby and I that went on an hour’s drive since Ralph will be working tonight. I finally met Wendy the girlfriend of my nephew Andrew, she is 5 months pregnant. When I saw her I felt a this tiny green head sprouting over my shoulder. Its name was envy, she was whispering in my ears that I should be jealous with Wendy since she was pregnant. I must admit, envy got to me and I looked at Wendy’s expanding belly and said to myself that It could have been me that is expecting right now. It should have been my belly getting round with a life inside of me. But wait, I could not let envy get deeper into my thought. I must not let her ruin that fact that I was genuinely happy for both Andrew, Wendy and the rest of the family. I gave her a big hug and put my hand on her belly. When I placed my hand on her stomach I remembered how it was before Kaitlyn was born. I do want a baby but only if God will permit it. If not at least I already have Kaitlyn and Kayla the one born from my heart. Both Ralph and I are still hopeful that we will have a new addition to the family soon. Envy must not get into my mind, I have to accept and be thankful for what I have. She has no place in my life right now.

It’s been more than a year of trying to conceive another baby. Its not as hard now for me now than it was a couple of months ago. We have tried using the ovulation kit. I did not like the way that we had to have sex on a days im ovulating even if we don’t feel up to it. I didn’t like it that way, it was fun and relaxing conceiving Kaitlyn how come its so hard to conceive the second time around.

I had a check up with my OBGYN today and I told my doctor about my concern about something. I told him that we have been trying to have a baby for over a year now and nothing has happened. I then proceeded to tell him about the spotting I have been having in the middle of my cycle. That was one major thing that was concerning to me since I have never experience that before.  This has been going on for a 3-4 months now and It was just dis-concerning to me. Much to my relief my ob immediately jumped in and asked if  my spotting was only for a day and of course he was right. He smiled and said ” that is your body’s way of saying your ovulating”. That got me into thinking maybe that’s why I never got pregnant since Ralph and I never had intercourse during the times I was spotting. We may have used the ovulation kit the wrong way but now we know, lol.

Today my grandmother turned 76 years old, if I’m not mistaken. There is a 12 hrs difference so I called her last night to wish her a happy birthday. I got so homesick hearing everybody talking in the background, I miss my grandparents so much. Ever since my grandparents have been getting older we always make it a point to celebrate there birthdays by coming together as a whole family. Its more like a family reunion twice a year, on January for my grandpa and March for my grandma. I got to talk to my mom and she missed me so much and almost begged for me and Kaitlyn to come home and visit her. She wants to hold me in her arms so bad and finally be able to meet her first grandchild. I almost cried when i heard the longing in her voice. After almost 3o minutes of talking and being passed from one person to another I called Ralph and told him what my mother and I talked about. Ralph felt bad that I could not go home and  visit my mom. When we hang-up he immediately went online while he was at work to check on airfares. He called me back again and told me that maybe we could make arrangement  for me and Kaitlyn to go back home. As much as I would love to go home, its not practical at this time. We need all the money we can get. I know in my heart that one day soon I will be able to visit home and see my loved one again. I don’t know when but soon.

 Its been a known fact that many people, young, old, have used Suicide as an escape. Suicide was once in my head and in my thoughts. I, to was young and stupid and a coward. I was depressed with a lot of things and I wanted to escape those feeling of helplessness, sadness, and pain. I never did try and do it. Why? Fear itself was my enemy. I was afraid of the pain that I would have to go through.

It was actually the death of my beloved cat that snapped me out of this suicide thinking mode when i was in my early 20’s. My cat Rumm died, he got hanged by the little leash I tied around his neck. The leash was not tight at all, he could easily shrug his head and it would come off. He was fighting off some other cats trying to eat his food and I guess he probably feel down the steps. Until now I cant stop the image of my beloved cat hanging by the stairs, its orange head to the side. He just died when I got to him. I screamed bloody murder that day. Cried buckets and rolled on the floor with him clutched in my arms. I did try to revive him by giving him mouth to mouth but to no avail. I could not bear to let him go, I just kept on hugging and kissing him willing my warmth and my breath into his body. It was only when my step dad  talked me into giving him the cat to be buried did I realize he was already starting to get stiff in my arms. With a heavy heart I breathed him in one last time, brushed his silky fur and kissed his head goodbye. I locked myself in my room and just cried. My mother knocked on my door and came in the room. I knew she was afraid that I was going to kill myself. Little did she know that what just happened did the opposite thing to me.

That was the day God reminded me that life was precious. From that day on I have never entertained the thought of cowardly ending my life by suicide. I thought about my mom, sister and how it would destroy them. How I would be able to face God and tell him I took the most precious gift he ever gave me.  Death itself has his own way of coming for us. I hope not to meet the bringer of death anytime soon.

Growing up in a broken family with no father to look up to was not that bad. My parents divorce when I was 5 and my sister 6. Of course I did miss my dad and kept hoping, wishing and praying that one day my dad will come back and we would be together again. Every birthday was spent waiting and looking around for my dad hoping he would show up to surprise me, he never did. I grew up without a dad but I had uncles, aunts and most specially my maternal grandparents. One day I just woke up and said to God in my prayers :

Dear Lord,

Thank you for my mom. Don’t bother bringing my dad back to us coz we are already fine, I’m going to be fine. Its better off this way, he is a stranger to me and I would not want him back in our life again. But if you want to bring him back that’s fine with me but if you ask me I’d rather you wouldn’t.Thank you for everything. You are the most high,the king of all kings and I praise you.

Even though we were from a broken family were didn’t do drugs, alcohol, partying and sex. In my opinion I didn’t make my parents divorce into an excuse for me to screw around and ruin my life. I always thought about the consequence of my actions and how it would affect my mom. My mom is everything to me, people can be cruel to her at times. They assume that just because we didn’t have a father figure we would grow up undisciplined, drug addicts, rude and promiscuous. On the other hand we turned out pretty well. I didn’t screw around when I was in my teenage years and even when I was mature enough. Drugs, sex, alcohol and smoking scared me, I didn’t want to try it for fear that I might ruin my mom, I might not be able to stop myself.

Some people use the divorce of there parents as an excuse for there stupid behaviour. True, some do get very disturbed and turn to drugs but still that is not the answer. Until now I still don’t understand what broken family has something to do with your drug use, alcohol, gambling,smoking and promiscuity. Its all up to you. Yes, we are different but if we let it run our lives we will never be able to move forward.

Don’t make your parents divorce an excuse for your stupidity. Stop, think, look and  listen before you make a move. We are the masters of our own destiny.

As Kaitlyn my youngest is getting older her temper and tantrum are getting worse and worse. I don’t know  where this is coming from. She use to be such a sweet mild mannered baby but lately she has been very bad tempered. At 16 months old she has been getting around the house and pretty much do whatever she wants. She is a very active, independent little person. If she doesnt get her way she throws such a fit, screams and hits herself. I’m at a loss, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to read about advice from doctors, I want to hear from other parents that deal with this situation on a day to day basis. It scares me that she might grow up with this temper and I don’t want that. What do you do when your child throws a temper tantrum? Is this really natural? I feel so embarrass and helpless when she has this episodes. I try to soothe her but the more she cries and fights me. I don’t know what to do. She is into jumping up and down screaming at the top of her lungs while covering her mouth and sometimes biting her hand from frustration. Ralph said that this is natural and that maybe she is just going on that terrible two’s stage. I really hope that Ralph is right.

Getting up in the morning is such a drag! I’m not a morning person so I rarely laugh, smile and I easy get upset. For our kindergarten  Kayla, it’s been getting harder and harder for her to wake up in the mornings. Thank God she doesn’t really give me trouble, like most kids she would whine but that’s about it. On the other hand Kaitlyn is always on the go and is like the energizer bunny. Monday morning the baby slept in and it was just me and Kayla downstairs. Kayla was so tired and just wanted to lay down, after eating breakfast, brushing her teeth and having her hair done I suggested we lay down on the couch. We snuggled and watched cartoons until it was time to leave. This morning the same thing happened but with Kaitlyn awake this time. Kayla and I snuggled on the couch, Kaitlyn got so jealous and shouted “mine!”. She came over right away wanting to get on the couch and to snuggle with me. Of course we had to let her snuggle with us even if it meant I had to be squished. We did manage it by lying on our side, Kaitlyn on the front spooned by big sister and I in turn spooned Kayla. In a way it was my boding time with my girls, it didnt matter that I was uncomfortable. We were snug as a bug and they seem to love it.

I don’t know about some people here in Today but i have been getting spam comments. Its very annoying and irritating. Is there  anything i need to do to stop this spam comments? I have never had any problem like this on my other blogs. Have you gotten any spam comments? Its just annoying when i get a mail telling me that someone has left a comment on my post, i get all excited to find out what they had to say but as it turns out its just spam comments from other site.

I have been blogging for today for some time now but i still haven’t gotten the hang of how things work and it still confuses me. Maybe i need to pay more attention and find out how things really work around here.  And I know for a fact that I have not really made some quality post for a while and I apologize for that. I’m going to try and change that. Well for me what happens in our day to day life is quality for me. My blog is about parenting life, my life as a parent, my struggles and my joys. It may not be interesting to some but that is my life.