Sep 12 2008
OUR BED OR HER CRIB?
How do you prepare yourself from separating your child from sleeping with you…I know its all MY FAULT this happened. We planned to have her sleep in her own cradle while she was still a baby in our room but i could not help but keep my baby close to my heart. Where i can smell her breath and feel every beat of her tiny heart.I longed for her sweet warmth and comfort..My excuse at first, i was breastfeeding that’s why she had to lay with me. My laziness is the culprit why I’m in this situation now. For over a week now she has been sleeping in her own room. Not necessarily in her crib..Mama had to camp out on the floor with a sleeping bag..The first night was pure hell for me. Hearing her cry out for me to pick her up. I did what the book told me to do.My heart broke with every wail and hicupping sob.Her cry was like saying:
”mama please don’t abandon me,what did i do wrong,i need you!”
… As soon as i enter her room and hug her while she is standing in her crib she goes limp and falls asleep…But the second i put her down and start to leave she starts again…..By the end of the night my heart was in pieces. The next morning she was experiencing separations anxiety.She would not let me out of her sight even for a single moment.I do not blame her for this is solely my fault. I have been sleeping in her room on the floor and when she wakes up in the middle of the night and she doesn’t go back to sleep right away i let her lay down with me. I have decided to let her get familiar with her own room. I am doing this slowly as not to traumatize her. If only my bed was like a crib with bars i would not even blink an eye about letting her sleep with us once again..
For my baby,I’m sorry mama has to cut you off from sleeping in our bed. You have to get use to your own room and sleep by yourself. One day you will understand why.Mama and daddy is always here for you.Mama has to be strong for you….
Still i do not regret letting her sleep with me for she and I have a strong bond. It comforts me to know that she still needs me..my baby is growing up so fast and how mama wishes she could stop time and just let you stay as her baby with that toothless smile and silly mischievous grin on your face. I love you my anak (baby) with all my heart.
Its been almost 3 months since that fateful day. She is finally sleeping in her own room and crib. She still has moments where she doesn’t sleep right away and i had to cradle her in my arms and soothe her to sleep. Waking up at different times in the night is nothing new to me,its a small price to pay for knowing that even if she wakes up she is still safe and that she will never fall out again.
God willing if i get pregnant again i will still do the same thing but maybe I wont be to lazy about putting her in her own cradle at night.
