Sep 13 2008
ME,THE STEPMOM
How does one define being a Stepmom?
I simply put it as the woman who takes the second role of a mom to a non biological child.At least that is how i view myself,not a replacement more of like a substitute in lieu of the absence of the real parent. It hasn’t been easy for me as well as for my stepdaughter. I was fortunate enough to have come into her life at the age where she was more accepting but it will take work and effort. This was a 3 yrs old girl being shuffled from mother to father every other week. When she was with us,her world was mostly all about her daddy and nothing else.I had no place in her world at first. Getting pregnant kind of delayed and put a bump on our journey to acceptance and getting to know each other.For the 1st 3 months i was constantly sick and had bouts of depression due to not being able to eat. It pierced my heart every time i hear her ask only for her daddy and not me. I was not included in anything else unless by invitation from her. When i was finally got better we got a chance to finally bond with the help of the little being that was growing inside of me. She slowly started including me in her drawings,stories and playtime. The day she kissed me on the lips and said i love you was the day she accepted me into her life completely. Before she would only kiss me on the cheeks and never on the lips,that was only reserve for daddy and her mommy. My heart was full of emotions,from relief,love and joy. I have never once asked nor told her to call me “mommy or mama”. She calls me “MENIE”, and it just perfect.
Today,we still have struggles but nothing that cannot be overcome. I love her with all my heart,she may not have been borne from my womb but she definitely got planted and grew in my heart.Her love for my biological daughter,her baby sister is so pure and unconditional.She loves her with a passion and adores her. It was funny after the baby was born,she was so confused as to who the babies mommy was. It didn’t matter to her,all she knows is that baby sister is and will always be a part of her.As for me, i know my relationship with my stepdaughter will just keep growing stronger and stronger. We have the whole future to look forward to and we will just take one step at a time.
You are lucky to have come into her life at such a young age. I have heard many stories of how hard it is when they are older. I’m a stepkid. My stepdad came into my life when I was 5. I adored him from day one and wanted to marry him when I grew up. (Isn’t the thinking of kid interesting?)
It’s so wonderful that she loves you, and you her, like you are blood. In my opinion, though you don’t want to replace the other parent nor does the child want that, it is similar to adoption. The kind of bond and love that can form. Parent-child relationships do not need to be blood related to feel that way.
I hope her biological mom is as accepting of your relationship.
~Kelly
http://www.30somethingandsearching.today.com/