parentinglife

Today my grandmother turned 76 years old, if I’m not mistaken. There is a 12 hrs difference so I called her last night to wish her a happy birthday. I got so homesick hearing everybody talking in the background, I miss my grandparents so much. Ever since my grandparents have been getting older we always make it a point to celebrate there birthdays by coming together as a whole family. Its more like a family reunion twice a year, on January for my grandpa and March for my grandma. I got to talk to my mom and she missed me so much and almost begged for me and Kaitlyn to come home and visit her. She wants to hold me in her arms so bad and finally be able to meet her first grandchild. I almost cried when i heard the longing in her voice. After almost 3o minutes of talking and being passed from one person to another I called Ralph and told him what my mother and I talked about. Ralph felt bad that I could not go home and  visit my mom. When we hang-up he immediately went online while he was at work to check on airfares. He called me back again and told me that maybe we could make arrangement  for me and Kaitlyn to go back home. As much as I would love to go home, its not practical at this time. We need all the money we can get. I know in my heart that one day soon I will be able to visit home and see my loved one again. I don’t know when but soon.

 Its been a known fact that many people, young, old, have used Suicide as an escape. Suicide was once in my head and in my thoughts. I, to was young and stupid and a coward. I was depressed with a lot of things and I wanted to escape those feeling of helplessness, sadness, and pain. I never did try and do it. Why? Fear itself was my enemy. I was afraid of the pain that I would have to go through.

It was actually the death of my beloved cat that snapped me out of this suicide thinking mode when i was in my early 20’s. My cat Rumm died, he got hanged by the little leash I tied around his neck. The leash was not tight at all, he could easily shrug his head and it would come off. He was fighting off some other cats trying to eat his food and I guess he probably feel down the steps. Until now I cant stop the image of my beloved cat hanging by the stairs, its orange head to the side. He just died when I got to him. I screamed bloody murder that day. Cried buckets and rolled on the floor with him clutched in my arms. I did try to revive him by giving him mouth to mouth but to no avail. I could not bear to let him go, I just kept on hugging and kissing him willing my warmth and my breath into his body. It was only when my step dad  talked me into giving him the cat to be buried did I realize he was already starting to get stiff in my arms. With a heavy heart I breathed him in one last time, brushed his silky fur and kissed his head goodbye. I locked myself in my room and just cried. My mother knocked on my door and came in the room. I knew she was afraid that I was going to kill myself. Little did she know that what just happened did the opposite thing to me.

That was the day God reminded me that life was precious. From that day on I have never entertained the thought of cowardly ending my life by suicide. I thought about my mom, sister and how it would destroy them. How I would be able to face God and tell him I took the most precious gift he ever gave me.  Death itself has his own way of coming for us. I hope not to meet the bringer of death anytime soon.

Growing up in a broken family with no father to look up to was not that bad. My parents divorce when I was 5 and my sister 6. Of course I did miss my dad and kept hoping, wishing and praying that one day my dad will come back and we would be together again. Every birthday was spent waiting and looking around for my dad hoping he would show up to surprise me, he never did. I grew up without a dad but I had uncles, aunts and most specially my maternal grandparents. One day I just woke up and said to God in my prayers :

Dear Lord,

Thank you for my mom. Don’t bother bringing my dad back to us coz we are already fine, I’m going to be fine. Its better off this way, he is a stranger to me and I would not want him back in our life again. But if you want to bring him back that’s fine with me but if you ask me I’d rather you wouldn’t.Thank you for everything. You are the most high,the king of all kings and I praise you.

Even though we were from a broken family were didn’t do drugs, alcohol, partying and sex. In my opinion I didn’t make my parents divorce into an excuse for me to screw around and ruin my life. I always thought about the consequence of my actions and how it would affect my mom. My mom is everything to me, people can be cruel to her at times. They assume that just because we didn’t have a father figure we would grow up undisciplined, drug addicts, rude and promiscuous. On the other hand we turned out pretty well. I didn’t screw around when I was in my teenage years and even when I was mature enough. Drugs, sex, alcohol and smoking scared me, I didn’t want to try it for fear that I might ruin my mom, I might not be able to stop myself.

Some people use the divorce of there parents as an excuse for there stupid behaviour. True, some do get very disturbed and turn to drugs but still that is not the answer. Until now I still don’t understand what broken family has something to do with your drug use, alcohol, gambling,smoking and promiscuity. Its all up to you. Yes, we are different but if we let it run our lives we will never be able to move forward.

Don’t make your parents divorce an excuse for your stupidity. Stop, think, look and  listen before you make a move. We are the masters of our own destiny.

As Kaitlyn my youngest is getting older her temper and tantrum are getting worse and worse. I don’t know  where this is coming from. She use to be such a sweet mild mannered baby but lately she has been very bad tempered. At 16 months old she has been getting around the house and pretty much do whatever she wants. She is a very active, independent little person. If she doesnt get her way she throws such a fit, screams and hits herself. I’m at a loss, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to read about advice from doctors, I want to hear from other parents that deal with this situation on a day to day basis. It scares me that she might grow up with this temper and I don’t want that. What do you do when your child throws a temper tantrum? Is this really natural? I feel so embarrass and helpless when she has this episodes. I try to soothe her but the more she cries and fights me. I don’t know what to do. She is into jumping up and down screaming at the top of her lungs while covering her mouth and sometimes biting her hand from frustration. Ralph said that this is natural and that maybe she is just going on that terrible two’s stage. I really hope that Ralph is right.

Getting up in the morning is such a drag! I’m not a morning person so I rarely laugh, smile and I easy get upset. For our kindergarten  Kayla, it’s been getting harder and harder for her to wake up in the mornings. Thank God she doesn’t really give me trouble, like most kids she would whine but that’s about it. On the other hand Kaitlyn is always on the go and is like the energizer bunny. Monday morning the baby slept in and it was just me and Kayla downstairs. Kayla was so tired and just wanted to lay down, after eating breakfast, brushing her teeth and having her hair done I suggested we lay down on the couch. We snuggled and watched cartoons until it was time to leave. This morning the same thing happened but with Kaitlyn awake this time. Kayla and I snuggled on the couch, Kaitlyn got so jealous and shouted “mine!”. She came over right away wanting to get on the couch and to snuggle with me. Of course we had to let her snuggle with us even if it meant I had to be squished. We did manage it by lying on our side, Kaitlyn on the front spooned by big sister and I in turn spooned Kayla. In a way it was my boding time with my girls, it didnt matter that I was uncomfortable. We were snug as a bug and they seem to love it.

I don’t know about some people here in Today but i have been getting spam comments. Its very annoying and irritating. Is there  anything i need to do to stop this spam comments? I have never had any problem like this on my other blogs. Have you gotten any spam comments? Its just annoying when i get a mail telling me that someone has left a comment on my post, i get all excited to find out what they had to say but as it turns out its just spam comments from other site.

I have been blogging for today for some time now but i still haven’t gotten the hang of how things work and it still confuses me. Maybe i need to pay more attention and find out how things really work around here.  And I know for a fact that I have not really made some quality post for a while and I apologize for that. I’m going to try and change that. Well for me what happens in our day to day life is quality for me. My blog is about parenting life, my life as a parent, my struggles and my joys. It may not be interesting to some but that is my life.

Finally after days of worrying, cajoling, bribing Kaitlyn is back to her old lovable, mischievous self. A couple of days ago she would not eat anything at all and if she did it would just be a bit here and there. She had no problem drinking juice or water but would not drink all of her formula which got me so worried. She also had diarrhea and pooped 5 times in one day. Seeing that her poopy was green Ralph told me that she probably has a virus in her system and she is pooping it out which is good. Just yesterday after dropping of her big sister we got home very late. I gave her a quick bath and it was then i noticed rashes all over her back, arms, chest, neck and face. I got so worried and consulted my MIL about it. We decided that if it gets worse the next day we would take her to the emergency room at AI DuPont to have her checked out. This morning the rashes are still there but they didn’t get worse but it looked like they were going down to her legs. She is however back to her old self and has been eating a lot. All of us are glad that she is finally eating and just back to her old happy self. Hopefully tomorrow her rashes would finally go away.

On the other hand it was very nice out today but both Kaitlyn and I really didn’t get to enjoy it that much as we spent most of the afternoon napping. She feel asleep at 1 p.m. and we both woke up at 4:21 p.m. It was a long nap for her and i guess her body was healing while she was sleeping. After our nap we took her out, she played int he sand box while  picked up dog poop in the backyard. After we went up front to clean the van. It was filthy with food everywhere. At least that’s done, now i need to clean my house and organize. I envy those mom out there who have such a clean, well decorated and organized house.

It snowed and it snowed some more. We finally got a good enough accumulation to take both kids sledding. However going to the big park didn’t turn out as well as we planned. It was way to cold for the baby and it was pure torture going up the hill with snow. Kaitlyn only went down the hill once with Ralph and after that off we went searching for our truck to get warm. Kayla still had fun at the big park but it was too much effort going up the hill and we decided to check out the smaller hill by our house. Kayla had more fun there and so did Kaitlyn. Kayla had no school for 2 days and we just had fun at the house playing the Wii game or out in the snow. Kaitlyn however was not so lucky, she started getting a fever the other day. Fearful that she may have another ear infection we took her to the doctors the following day. She has no ear infection. It could be her teeth coming in again, could still be an ear infection or UTI. I just hope she gets better right away.

This morning Ralph called me and said that it was going to snow and a good amount. He said probably about 3-8″ of snow. I could hear the excitement in his voice, like a child at winter time. He really wants to take his kids out sledding tomorrow if the weather will permit it. He was excited but cautious at the same time and said he will believe it when he see’s the actual amount of snow. We have been checking and checking the weather news and now its calling for 5-10″ of snow in Delaware. It started snowing shortly after 6 p.m and it has not stopped ever since. The people are preparing for the snow and when we went to Walmart they ran out of rock salt. Can you believe that? We got the water salt of something since the guy said it works that same as the rock salt only the consistency of this one is bigger. When Ralph got home from work he picked up the dog poop out in the backyard and threatened to give the dog to the pound. He hates dog poop in the backyard since our girls love playing in the back. I know this summer he will be very very pissed at his mother’s dog if her poop is not cleaned.

Hopefully the snow will keep falling so that Kayla wont have school and we can all go sledding and have some fun. If it does snow as much as they said it would this is probably the most snow i have seen since i have been here. Come tomorrow morning i know Ralph will be excited to take us to the big park for a day of sledding.