Mar 28 2009
SUICIDE in my THOUGHTS
Its been a known fact that many people, young, old, have used Suicide as an escape. Suicide was once in my head and in my thoughts. I, to was young and stupid and a coward. I was depressed with a lot of things and I wanted to escape those feeling of helplessness, sadness, and pain. I never did try and do it. Why? Fear itself was my enemy. I was afraid of the pain that I would have to go through.
It was actually the death of my beloved cat that snapped me out of this suicide thinking mode when i was in my early 20’s. My cat Rumm died, he got hanged by the little leash I tied around his neck. The leash was not tight at all, he could easily shrug his head and it would come off. He was fighting off some other cats trying to eat his food and I guess he probably feel down the steps. Until now I cant stop the image of my beloved cat hanging by the stairs, its orange head to the side. He just died when I got to him. I screamed bloody murder that day. Cried buckets and rolled on the floor with him clutched in my arms. I did try to revive him by giving him mouth to mouth but to no avail. I could not bear to let him go, I just kept on hugging and kissing him willing my warmth and my breath into his body. It was only when my step dad talked me into giving him the cat to be buried did I realize he was already starting to get stiff in my arms. With a heavy heart I breathed him in one last time, brushed his silky fur and kissed his head goodbye. I locked myself in my room and just cried. My mother knocked on my door and came in the room. I knew she was afraid that I was going to kill myself. Little did she know that what just happened did the opposite thing to me.
That was the day God reminded me that life was precious. From that day on I have never entertained the thought of cowardly ending my life by suicide. I thought about my mom, sister and how it would destroy them. How I would be able to face God and tell him I took the most precious gift he ever gave me. Death itself has his own way of coming for us. I hope not to meet the bringer of death anytime soon.
