parentinglife

 Its been a known fact that many people, young, old, have used Suicide as an escape. Suicide was once in my head and in my thoughts. I, to was young and stupid and a coward. I was depressed with a lot of things and I wanted to escape those feeling of helplessness, sadness, and pain. I never did try and do it. Why? Fear itself was my enemy. I was afraid of the pain that I would have to go through.

It was actually the death of my beloved cat that snapped me out of this suicide thinking mode when i was in my early 20’s. My cat Rumm died, he got hanged by the little leash I tied around his neck. The leash was not tight at all, he could easily shrug his head and it would come off. He was fighting off some other cats trying to eat his food and I guess he probably feel down the steps. Until now I cant stop the image of my beloved cat hanging by the stairs, its orange head to the side. He just died when I got to him. I screamed bloody murder that day. Cried buckets and rolled on the floor with him clutched in my arms. I did try to revive him by giving him mouth to mouth but to no avail. I could not bear to let him go, I just kept on hugging and kissing him willing my warmth and my breath into his body. It was only when my step dad  talked me into giving him the cat to be buried did I realize he was already starting to get stiff in my arms. With a heavy heart I breathed him in one last time, brushed his silky fur and kissed his head goodbye. I locked myself in my room and just cried. My mother knocked on my door and came in the room. I knew she was afraid that I was going to kill myself. Little did she know that what just happened did the opposite thing to me.

That was the day God reminded me that life was precious. From that day on I have never entertained the thought of cowardly ending my life by suicide. I thought about my mom, sister and how it would destroy them. How I would be able to face God and tell him I took the most precious gift he ever gave me.  Death itself has his own way of coming for us. I hope not to meet the bringer of death anytime soon.

Growing up in a broken family with no father to look up to was not that bad. My parents divorce when I was 5 and my sister 6. Of course I did miss my dad and kept hoping, wishing and praying that one day my dad will come back and we would be together again. Every birthday was spent waiting and looking around for my dad hoping he would show up to surprise me, he never did. I grew up without a dad but I had uncles, aunts and most specially my maternal grandparents. One day I just woke up and said to God in my prayers :

Dear Lord,

Thank you for my mom. Don’t bother bringing my dad back to us coz we are already fine, I’m going to be fine. Its better off this way, he is a stranger to me and I would not want him back in our life again. But if you want to bring him back that’s fine with me but if you ask me I’d rather you wouldn’t.Thank you for everything. You are the most high,the king of all kings and I praise you.

Even though we were from a broken family were didn’t do drugs, alcohol, partying and sex. In my opinion I didn’t make my parents divorce into an excuse for me to screw around and ruin my life. I always thought about the consequence of my actions and how it would affect my mom. My mom is everything to me, people can be cruel to her at times. They assume that just because we didn’t have a father figure we would grow up undisciplined, drug addicts, rude and promiscuous. On the other hand we turned out pretty well. I didn’t screw around when I was in my teenage years and even when I was mature enough. Drugs, sex, alcohol and smoking scared me, I didn’t want to try it for fear that I might ruin my mom, I might not be able to stop myself.

Some people use the divorce of there parents as an excuse for there stupid behaviour. True, some do get very disturbed and turn to drugs but still that is not the answer. Until now I still don’t understand what broken family has something to do with your drug use, alcohol, gambling,smoking and promiscuity. Its all up to you. Yes, we are different but if we let it run our lives we will never be able to move forward.

Don’t make your parents divorce an excuse for your stupidity. Stop, think, look and  listen before you make a move. We are the masters of our own destiny.

Kaitlyn is already 14 months old and is a handful. She makes and gets in trouble all the time. Just this morning she got in trouble for throwing the remote control of the television in the toilet. I know she is just a baby and does not know how things work in the big world but i do try to instill discipline. I decided to put her on the big chair/time out chair and see if she would stay. At first she thought it was just play and was smiling and babbling at big sister. She was there on the time out chair for around 30 min and overtime she would move i would say ” stay there, your in time out”. She didn’t cry and would just sit there very still and watch television ,lol. She wasn’t really in time out but now she gets the idea that if she does something bad she will be put on the big chair all by herself and wont be able to play with her toys or big sister. Ralph was laughing so hard when he saw Kaitlyn and was amazed that she stayed in the chair that long without crying. She did cry after when i tried to take her pictures, lol. Do you think its to early to start putting her on time out?

As a wife of a police officer fear for his safety is my constant companion. Lying down at night while the kids are asleep, my mind wonders off to what my husband could be doing just now. It terrifies that thought of how dangerous his work is and how a seemingly routine car stop could turn ugly, dangerous and God forbid deadly. He has to be on his guard constantly, watching, observing the rustling crimes about.

Husband came home with a big grin on his face about last week, He had captured 3 male teenagers ages 14,16 and 17. The suspects were arrested for allegedly robbing a 54-yr.old man and were charged with second-degree robbery and conspiracy and was released to their parents. The 54 yr old victim reported a group of teenage boys surrounding him while he was seated on a bench, threw dirt in his face and hit him with an object. Took his possession composed of money and his cell phone. He saw the suspected teenagers that fit the description walking into a corner store. He walked into the store waited for back-up and arrested the 3 suspects. The victims possession was recovered and all 3 suspects admitted to the robbery hence the charge of second-degree robbery and conspiracy.

 Its incidents like this that make me fearful for him. A lot of what if’s pop into mind, prayer is my only salvation and our kids. Husband carries around pictures of the kids but sadly none of mine,lol. But i printed out new batches of photo’s with me of course and changed his old pictures of the kids. The pictures of our family and the thoughts of us,our hugs and kisses is his Talisman. His invisible shield of protection made stronger by his belief that God will protect him. 

Its not easy for him, for me and for our kids. We made it so far with team work,  prayers,patience and lots of understanding and love. We don’t know what the future may bring but we live each day with gratitude and appreciation for each other. Honey , we love you and are proud of you.

Today we took an hour drive with just baby, mother in law and me to visit her oldest son Angelo in Dover. While there i happened to catch part of the INSIDE WEEKEND EDITION’S INVESTIGATIVE PORTION. It was about TRAVELLING AMUSEMENT PARKS. It was disconcerning to find out that people were hired by this travelling amusement park without any background check. You could be a killer,or a child molester and you could get hired right on the spot.A producer of the show armed with a hidden camera applied for a job and got hired on the spot. He video taped ride operators getting high. One even admitted that most are drunks,ex-cons,on parole,and pot heads. One was so high that he kept nodding of while on the job. And the drugs was even sold at one of the concession stands. Most of the people hired in this travelling parks don’t really have a clue how the rides work.

Watching that,it made me wary about amusement parks,even carnivals. The owners did admit that they don’t do background checks but they should. These people are around children, we the parents hand over our kids safety to them. Next time we go to a carnival,be it a state fare or a travelling amusement park i will be keeping a close eye on the ride operators. Parents be wary the next time a Travelling Amusement Park passes your town or city.